Believe when the child says the touch made him/her uncomfortable

Child sexual abuse cases are rampant in our country.  No, its not a new thing.  Only now people have started talking about it more in the open.   I remember my mother saying that during their times if the child used to confide in the parents that some elderly relative or friend of the parents had given "uncomfortable vibes" or touched inappropriately, the parents would either not believe the children or just ask them to hush the matter as it would be "disrespecting" those elders!

I thought times have changed since then!  But I guess I was wrong.  In the recent incident where singer Papon kissed a minor on a television show inappropriately, her father made a statement that Papon was showing his affection just like a parent would!  I mean really!  The girl was visibly uncomfortable. 

For whatever reasons it might be, whether the dad was pressurized or he was worried about the singer's clout and status, he let his daughter down.  Later the girl also made a statement that she wasn't uncomfortable.  It was clearly out of pressure.  So, did the cameras lie?  Was the act justified in the name of "affection"?

Sexual abuse in children shouldn't be taken lightly.  It creates a scar for rest of the life.  Our country in the name of respecting elders takes a lot of liberty.  The elders can bully the younger lot, they can kiss and touch them in the name of affection inappropriately, they can insult or humiliate them!
Respect is commanded and not demanded.  One doesn't earn respect simply by the virtue of his/her age.  Data show that most of the child abuse cases are from close relatives and friends whom the parents trust.

Nobody, absolutely nobody, is above our children.  We make a promise to protect them no matter what, no matter from whom.  So, if they come and confide/complain that they are uncomfortable, please believe in them.  Save them from the lifelong trauma.

Joy of a mommy: New parents

Joy of a mommy: New parents: I was all of 25, newly married, and adjusting and loving my new life with my young and equally inexperienced husband.  This was in the mont...

New parents

I was all of 25, newly married, and adjusting and loving my new life with my young and equally inexperienced husband.  This was in the month of February.  We both were really happy to share our life with each other when in 2 months we came to know that soon we were ready to be joined by a third member!  We both were ecstatic and again in such a short span began our another new journey from being spouse to parent!

People would discourage me by saying that I was having the baby a tad too early and that me and my husband wouldn't enjoy our life freely any more!  Living nuclear, we both were each other's support and shared some of the happiest moments of our life, looking forward to having our baby in our arms, shedding tears of joy on hearing the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler, getting all excited and emotional looking at the sonography reports, talking to him, feeling him move up and down in my tummy, watching him grow each day.

I had been to my parents' place for delivery and my husband was in his workplace.  We would talk, laugh, cry, get anxious, miss each other.  Finally, the D-day arrived and due to my high blood pressure issues I had to be operated upon 15 days before the due date.  Eight days before the end of the year on December 23rd our bundle of joy, our son, arrived.  The happiness and joy that we experienced, obviously, cannot be expressed in words.

In the same year, me and my husband became a couple as well as parents.  I will always cherish that year.  We were pretty young, inexperienced, I was scared though my husband very confident that we will make good parents, and from there our journey of parenting began....

Reverse gender discrimination

Its a sad and unfortunate fact that our country is boy-crazed and boy-obsessed.  Even though times have changed a lot yet the daughters of the country haven't got their respect and are still looked at as burden and unwanted.  Its a good sign that many parents are trying to shun this evil and trying to give daughters their due respect and love.

But one more thing which bothers me nowadays is "boy bashing" or putting them down.  Time and again, I have been hearing and reading, "Girls are angels", "Girls are the best", "A boy is a boy till he gets his wife" and such.  Well..to give the girls their respect its not necessary that the boys must be put down!

I am the mother of both a son and a daughter and I cannot fathom treating them differently ever!  For me both are my children whom I love to the core.  I am imparting them similar values, treating them in absolutely the same manner.  My son is as good as my daughter.  Both are my darlings!

The values and upbringing that the parents impart decide how the boy or girl will be!  If the son sees equality of genders in his house, if he is taught to respect women, he will automatically learn so.  The parents and the society met out different treatment to the son and the daughter and hence the gender discrimination.  But we should try to wipe out the gender discrimination and not start reverse gender discrimination.

Value of truthfulness

My 7-year-old daughter is very chirpy, naughty, talkative, full of life.  Also, she gets angry or sad at the drop of a hat.  Last week, she had her exams and as a good student was pretty confident and happy about her papers.  But on the day of her computer exam, she was a little sad that she couldn't answer two questions.

Two days later suddenly she started crying.  On repeated questioning, she mentioned that on the day of her computer exam, she had her drawing exam and due to her foul mood of not being able to answer two questions of the computer paper she didn't do any colouring in her drawing paper.  Though I was annoyed and taken aback, I was happy that she was being honest.

It was not a big issue.  She will eventually learn from her own mistakes.  But the fact that she couldn't carry the guilt of not confessing the truth to me and eventually letting it out made me happy.  I would want my children to confide smallest of things to me so that our communication channel always remains healthy, throughout the lifetime.

Growth of a child

There is nothing more joyous than a mom watching her child grow everyday.  Since the time he/she is conceived, everyday the mother feels her child growing and with that the eternal journey of motherhood begins.  The bump, the kicks, the movements connects more to her child and the love grows each day.

After the child is born, each milestone of the child is cherished.  The first smile, first turn, first reaction, first words, everything.  The first step taken by the child is like a celebration, the first time the child blabbers Maammaa or Baabba the parents are teary eyed.  When a mother sees the child successfully write the first alphabet or write the numbers correctly its a major accomplishment for her.

Over the years, the growing up pattern and issues change.  As the child grows, the mother sees him/her dealing with the real world, the bullies, the competition, the peer pressure.  The mother sees her child fall, get hurt and rise again to face all odds with head held high.  That growth of the child makes the mother proud and reassured.  

When the son gets a thin line of moustache, his voice breaks, he grows taller than the mother, is worldly wise..that growth amuses as well as gives an immense happiness.  When a daughter becomes a friend, a confidante, a pretty wise lady, a strong individual..the mom is happy and proud.

The happiness of a mom seeing her children grow into strong individuals and happy in their life is immeasurable...